someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
