I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
