I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
When are your genitals available?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
