buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
