Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
What happened to fro yo and sex?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
