can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
