Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
