I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
