Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
