I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
