Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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