You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
