You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
