it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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