I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
