There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
