I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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