So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
