Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
