I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
