Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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