GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
