Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
