I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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