my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
