i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
