I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
