Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
