what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
