I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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