Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
