There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
