I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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