Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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