Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
