My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
