Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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