There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
