Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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