Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Holy sore nipples Batman
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
