hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
