my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
