this just has baby written all over it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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