How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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