there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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