he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
