Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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