Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
