so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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