i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My feet surprised me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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